Courage

"Courage is not the lack of fear, but the ability to face it"

Lt. John B. Putnam, Jr. (1921-1944)

In the winter of 1943, again Sarah needed to find shelter for her and her two small children.  Her friend Romek knew the Mordel family and arranged for Sarah to hid there.  The setting was all too familiar.  Mordel had dug a hole in the ground for Sarah and her children to lie in.  The only difference this year was that they were to "live" under a pig pen as opposed to the stables.

Most of the winter went by without incident.  When the winter was almost over, the pig that had been sheltered in the pen was slaughtered.  Mordel told Sarah and the children that on Sunday's, when everyone was at church, they could come out from the floorboards into the pig sty for a few hours.  On one Sunday, when they were in the sty, Manek looked out through the wired window and asked his mother, "Why can the chickens run free and play and we can not?"   Sarah answered from her heart "I have no answer for you, but to tell you that one day you will be able to run as free as the chickens."

On one of these Sunday's, Sarah saw Germans coming.  People were running away, into the woods and in all directions.  Sarah knew she could not be found hiding in a pig pen.  She instantly got up, stepped out of the pen, grabbed the children, and went right up to a German soldier.  She started yelling and screaming in Polish to them.  One of the soldiers understood Polish and asked her what she was doing here.  She answered, "We were in the next town over and told to leave.  So we came here.  This man gave us shelter, but he is cruel to us.  He does not feed us, look how pale my children are, and he beats us."

Meanwhile, Manek, who had also seen the Germans coming and seeing his mother talk to them, became terrified and let go of his mother's leg, and ran into Mordel's house and hid under a bed.  You see, Sarah had always warned Manek that if he were to be caught and captured, anyone would just need to pull down his pants and see that he was Jewish.  When the German's approached, he was so scared that they would do as his mother had warned and that he would give them all away.  As Manek ran away, the Germans questioned where he was going.   Sarah and the soldiers followed Manek into the house.  Sarah found him under the bed, and her quick thinking prevailed, "You see he is so scared of men because that one is always beating him."  She then came and took Manek out from under the bed, "Don't be frightened" she soothed, "Don't worry, these men are nice men, they won't beat you, yes they are men, but not like the other one."  The German soldiers replied, "No we won't hurt you." 

They all proceeded outside, and the Germans continued to question Sarah.  "Look the man has a cow, does he not give you milk?"  "No" she replied.  The Germans proceeded to go and start taking the cow.  Mordel, seeing the Germans taking his cow, begged them not to take it, it was his only one.  The Germans told him that it was his punishment for not even feeding these people.  Mordel begged, he said he had tried but it was so hard to feed so many.  The Germans took the cow. 

They returned a short time later with food for Sarah and her children and told her if she needed anything else, they were stationed nearby and she should come to them and they would provide her with food for her children. 

I often think about the courageous things that my grandmother did.  I honestly can say I do not think I would have the courage to even think to do half of what she did.  It amazes me every time I think about what she endured, what she did, and what she did not do.  She was not the only courageous one.  I think of all those Polish families that helped her and hid her, my father and my aunt.  I am a mother of two children, would I have the courage to risk their lives to help another?  I say to myself that I hope I would find that courage, but I am not sure.  Would you?

Choices

"And in life, it is all about choices we make. And how the direction of our lives comes down to the choices we choose." Catherine Pulsifer, from HONESTY. . . A Core Value?

The spring of 1943 was approaching, and once again Sarah and the children had to head into the forest to hide.  Romek had known where they were hiding.  He had kept tabs on Sarah and the children, and as the weather started to get a little mild, he and Fish came to get Sarah and the children.  They met up with Ignash  in the forest.

The days were long.  To pass the time, the men would teach Manek how to handle a machine gun (they had stolen weapons), how to fire it, take it apart, put it back together and clean it.  If they were sure no one was anywhere around, they would allow the young boy to do target practice and shoot into the woods.  They felt he needed to learn how to protect himself and his family.  He took his "job" very seriously.  One day, Fish thought it would be funny to "scare" the young child.  He snuck out of camp, and then crept around the outskirts, so as to approach from behind Manek.  But Manek was a quick study.  He was a child that was quickly learning to rely on instinct.  He heard some rustling in the  woods behind him and quickly sprang from where he sat.  Fish had left his machine gun at camp, and Manek immediately grabbed it, pointed and aimed.  Sarah, seeing the activity, cried to Manek "What's wrong?".  "I hear something, someone is coming."  Sarah told him to put down the weapon immediately.  At that moment, Fish jumped out from the woods laughing.  Well that did not last long, Sarah gave him an earful about what an idiotic stunt he tried to pull, and he could have gotten himself killed.  As far as Manek was concerned, he was just happy he did not have to put his training to the test.

Occasionally the men would go on a "mission".  They would leave at night, go far away from where they were hiding, so as not to attract any suspicion or attention to their area.  They would go steal clothes, flour, potatoes and other items to help them survive.  This summer the accommodations were good.  Romek proved to be a very good provider (aka thief).  On one of these outings, Romek came back with jams, crackers, sugar and other "goodies".  He told the story that he had gone through a village and had come across a German supply truck.  When the truck stopped, two men emerged and went to the side of the road to relieve themselves.  Since he saw that there were only two men, he quickly killed them both, and then proceeded to take as many supplies as he could and bury them in the woods.  Every 1-2 weeks he would go to his "stash" and bring back more food.  They were "well fed". 

But not all the outings were as successful.  One night, at the beginning of spring, the three men had gone to look for food.  They again went far away, but this time they came across Polish police.  These police, armed with weapons, were trigger happy.  They began to shoot at the men.  The three men tried to run as fast as they could, but Ignash was hit.  He was injured very badly from the gunshot wounds.  Romek and Fish each took an arm, and tried to run with him to escape a similar fate.  They dragged him for a little bit and then realized that his injuries were too bad.  Romek did what he felt was the only choice he had, he aimed his own weapon at Ignash and killed him to put him out of his misery.  When they returned to camp, they only told Sarah that Ignash had been shot and that they lost him in the woods.  Years later, Fish could not live with the guilt of what they had done, and had confessed the truth to Sarah.

Days were long and nights were even longer.  How people deal with the circumstances they are dealt can vary from person to person.  Not everyone reacts the same, or has the same courage as others.  Who is to say who is right and who is wrong?  Would you have done what Romek did?  Could you have? Would you have risked your own life to save another one?  What if that other life was your child?  

During this summer, Sarah and the children encountered about 5 other Jewish people hiding in the woods.  Romek and Fish had found them.  Amongst them was another woman with two small children, about Manek and Zosia's ages.  A little bit later, Romek and Fish came across the group again, but this time there were only 3 of them.  They found out that the group had been found, and that they had to run away in order to avoid being killed.  The mother had left her two young children to die in the woods, while she ran away to save herself. 

After the war, Sarah ran into the woman.  The woman immediately started to make excuses for her actions. Sarah could barely even look at her straight in the eyes.    Sarah found out later that this woman moved to South America soon after the war, got very sick and died at an early age.  Sarah said to her children "You see, G-D does punish."

Fear

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by each experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, “I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” You must do the thing you think you cannot do. "

Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962) American Columnist, lecturer and humanitarian.

The Dziedzik family became known amongst the Jews as a "friendly" family.  They helped many Jews over those formidable years, including Sarah and the children.  They were the family that you would go to as an "in between" house.  You would stay a few days while looking for other shelter, but if you were in a bind, you knew you could come here for help.  Their reputation spread amongst the people, and of course the Germans caught wind.  This is how they came to the house looking for the Schonwetter's that day in the attic.  They knew that the Dziedzik family had been rumored to be Jewish helpers, and they were eager to catch them in the act.  Because of this, no one could hide at this home for very long.  After the incident in the attic, Sarah and the children knew they had to leave. 

Just prior to coming to the Dziedzik's, Sarah had hid at another family's house attic for just a little while.  They had left that hiding place because one night, a few days after they had arrived, someone had tried to steal some chicken's from the man's home.  He did not know who it was and got scared and told Sarah she had to leave.  Ironically enough, it had been Romek who had gone to steal the chickens that night, but of course there was no way of knowing at the time who it was, it could just have easily been someone who may have seen something.  When Sarah had to leave the Dziedzik family she went back to this house and begged him to take her and the children back.  He finally agreed, but refused to put them back in the attic.  He told Sarah to give him a few days and to return.  And so she did.

When she arrived back a few days later, he took her and the children to the stables.  He had dug a hole in the ground under the floor boards, and told Sarah and her children that this was their new hiding place.  And so they crawled in. The space allowed them only to lie on their backs, they could lift their heads up only slightly, just about enough to prop yourself up on an elbow.  He placed hay over the floor boards and left.  This man made tomb became their new home.  They could not leave this hiding place.  Sanitary conditions were nonexistent.  "Luckily" since they were in the stables, the smell was masked by all the other animals that also just did their business where ever they so chose.  At least the horses were lucky, they did not have to live and sleep in their own excrement.

Once a day the man would come and give them some bread and soup.  Other than that they were left on their own.  One day however, they heard some commotion.  Sarah could only peak out of a small hole in the boards above her.   You would think that living with fear as your constant companion would lessen the fright, but it did not.  German soldiers were entering the stable with their horses.  Sarah was frozen with fear.  The Germans needed a stable to hold their horses for a few days.  The next day they took their horses and went out for little bit.  The kind owner came to Sarah, peaked through the hole and told her to stay hidden, don't let the kids make a peep, there was not much else he could do, they should be gone in a few days.  Sure enough a few days later the Germans did leave, and Sarah and the children stayed hidden in the floorboards for the rest of the winter until the Spring of 1943.

I don't think anyone can truly understand what fear tastes like, unless they are in a life and death situation.  I often look at my children, and think how many times I beg them to be quiet.  How many times have we all been to a movie, restaurant, at a house of worship, or any of the countless other times that we have just asked, no begged our kids "Please quiet down" or "Be Quiet!", and how many times do they listen? and if they do, how long does it last?  Imagine having to make sure your children did not make even the slightest noise for days on end?  Could they do it?  Intrinsically Manek and Zosia must have known their life truly depended on it.  My grandmother used to say it was not easy, after all my father was a little boy.  I have girls, so maybe it is harder for me to relate, but I have plenty of nephews, and boy, do boys like to jump around a lot and cause a commotion.  I could not imagine them staying still for more than a couple of minutes, unless of course you have some good candy or a good show on TV!  But what if there was no TV? No reward for staying quiet?  Would they understand that the reward was the greatest gift of all? Life.

The Attic

of the Baltic

"There was silence as deep as death; And the boldest held its breath, For a time"

Thomas Campbell, Battle of the Baltic

Winter was coming.  Sarah and the children could not stay exposed to the elements for the entire winter, so shelter had to be found.  As you can imagine, this was no easy task.  She first went back to the home that had been so kind the winter before.  But they refused.  She did get them, however, to agree to at least watch the children for a few hours each night so that she could go searching for another shelter.  Sarah had names of people that she would approach.  But she was smart enough to not go with just anyone.  If she went to a home and they accepted her too easily, with not much fear or resistance, she would say thank you, I will go get the children and return, but she would never come back.   She knew that would be the last shelter she would ever find.  Instead, she waited until she found a family that begged her to find another place, one that begged her to not put their family in danger, and then Sarah would beg even more.  She knew that a family that had that much fear would not turn her over to the Germans.  And so she found just the family.

The Dziedzic family lived in Brzostek and had been acquaintances of hers.  They gave her, Manek and Zosia, shelter in their attic, where Sarah and the children stayed and lived under the hay.  They would make a hole in the hay that was stored in the attic and live there for the whole winter. 

One day there was a knock on the door.  It was the Gestapo.  They had heard that the Schonwetter's were hiding out in this house.  Of course the whole Dziedzic family denied this allegation.  The Gestapo's answer was quite clear, "You know the consequences of lying, if you are lying you will be as dead as them." 

They then proceed to search the house.  They started by looking through all the rooms, every hole in the wall, the barn, and then they came to the attic.  Sarah had heard the commotion below and quickly took the children and burrowed themselves deep in the hay.  She covered each child's mouth with her hand, and then just waited.

She heard the German soldier climb up the ladder and enter the attic.  At first it sounded as if he  was just looking around, and then Sarah heard the noise.  He had grabbed a pitchfork and was jabbing it violently into the hay.  Sarah held the children closer and tightened her grip on their mouths.  One of the stabs just barely missed their bodies, it was so close they could feel the sharp, pointed ends of the tool that had turned into a deadly weapon.  But once again, luck would win out, and the German, satisfied that there was no living being in the hay, retreated back down the way he came.   

We visited Poland for the first time in the early 1990's.  It was my father's first time back to his home country that he had left over 50 years earlier.  We met Zosia Dziedzic, the daughter of the family that had hid Sarah and the children all those years ago.  Zosia recounted this story to my sister and I that day and took us to her family home.  My sister and I climbed up that same ladder and looked into the "shelter" that housed our family.  It was a humbling experience to not only put an image to the story I had heard so many times, but more importantly, to meet a member of the family that over the next two years would play such a key part in the survival of our father, grandmother and aunt.

Gunshots

"The only real valuable thing is intuition." - Albert Einstein

The first summer that Sarah, Manek and Zosia survived in the woods was the summer of 1943.  One night Sarah had been awaken to a strange noise.  In the morning, she told her companions about her fear that they had been discovered.  When she told Romek, Fish and Ignash that she had heard the cracking of twigs as if someone was walking nearby, their response was filled with indifference, "Ugh, here we go again", they said, "It could have been an animal."  To that Sarah replied, "By this point I know the difference between an animal and a human being.  I am going!"  So they once again complied in order to pacify the woman's ranting, and moved about 100 meters away.

The following night Romek went to a nearby village.  You see he would go there often to see a girl he had found and had been "seeing".  He would leave during the night and return in the early morning.  This time he returned before dawn, and when he returned he told the story that in the village there was a wedding and all the attendees  got very drunk and started fighting, so they were warned that the police was going to be called to stop the fight.  At that point Romek quickly left.

About an hour or so later, as dawn was breaking, Sara heard some gunfire.  It was only a couple of shots, and Romek commented "You see the police came to the village to break up the fight".  But Sarah was not convinced.  She said, "No way, the shots are too close."  A few minutes later, machine gun fire broke out.  They all wanted to run, the men wanted to run deeper into the forest, away from the village, to try to get away from the gunfire.  But Sara said "No, if two nights ago someone was walking here they  know we are here and will go into the woods looking for us, we should go in the opposite direction, towards the gunfire, but around them to get past them, they were already there."  This time there were no arguments, they all followed Sara.

So they ran into the direction of the gunfire, not directly, they tried to go a little off so that they would get around the shooters, and they came upon a twisty path.  Sara stopped and peaked out.  She saw a German soldier with a gun, pacing back and forth on the path.  They waited a few moments and when his back was turned, she grabbed one child under each of her arms and as quickly and quietly as they could, they crossed the path and ran  away, just as they heard more machine guns and gun shots.

They continued to run about a mile away and until they felt safe enough to just sit.  That night the men decided they wanted to find out what had happened.  Romek and Fish decided to go, while Ignash stayed with Sara and the children.  When they returned 2 1/2 hours later they were very silent.  Sara and Ignash asked what had happened, they would not answer.  The only reply they gave was "Just let's get away from here."  Sara agreed and suggested they go back to where had been hiding.  Romek and Fish answered "It's better if we don't go there."  Sara wanted to see if anyone had survived, she and Ignash insisted on going back.  They were not getting any answers from Romek and Fish and wanted to see for themselves what had happened.  Fish replied that it was impossible to explain and describe, and if Sara was insisting on going, he would take her, but it would be horrible.  Romek stayed behind because they refused to let the children go and see.

What Sara saw was a complete massacre, like nothing she had ever imagined in her worst nightmare.  Bodies of men, women and children were just laying everywhere.  Two of those bodies were her cousins from the barn.  Years later, after the war, Sara found out that there were two survivors that night.  A man and a woman who had fallen during the shooting and were covered with the dead bodies of their friends and family that had fallen on them.  They had laid there very still, pretending to be dead and waited until it was safe to dig themselves out.  The woman was the female cousin of Sara that had escaped to the barn with her.

Winter was coming, find out next time how and where Sara found shelter, and how shelter does not always mean safety.

The Forest

Our pleasures were simple - they included survival. Dwight D. Eisenhower

In June of 1942 the people of the Dembice ghetto became just another statistic in the ever increasing death toll and extermination of the Jewish people by the Nazi's.   However, Sarah and her two young children escaped.  Thanks to their friends, the Pilat family, they escaped termination again by one day.

Pilat, Sarah and the children made it through the  city that day, without anyone stopping them.  They met at the outskirts, and started a 3-4 hour journey to the outskirts of the Jaworze D. forest.

Pilat had arranged for a family to take Sarah and her children in for the winter months.  He left them there, and it was the last time they would see Pilat, until after the war.  The family had a daughter that lived with them, she was about 18 years old and mentally challenged.  They were to live in the attic of the house.  Once a day food would be brought to them.  A pail was placed in the corner, and they would relieve themselves in there.  Each night, Sarah would go outside to empty it.  The days were long, Sarah would try to teach the children the alphabet and counting. 

Sarah had a way of becoming "friends" with anyone she met.  She and the woman became friendly.  One day, about 2 months after they arrived, the woman told Sarah she had a secret to share, just don't tell anyone (as if Sarah had anyone to tell).  She was hiding more Jews in the barn, would Sarah like to meet them?  Sarah felt obliged to go and meet these people.  The woman took her to the barn, and when she opened the door, Sarah was surprised to see her 3 cousins were staying there!  They were just as shocked, and riddled her with questions of how did she get there and how did she escape and now they should all be together.  Sarah just said, "we got here on our own, we are fine" and left.  However, when spring started to arrive, the kind Polish woman told Sarah and the others that it was time to leave, she had already kept them for too long, and they had to go.

So Sarah and the children left their shelter, with the 3 cousins, and went into the woods.  They would eat berries and lots of wild mushrooms for survival.  Small twigs and branches were gathered to make a fire, however, they could not risk being caught so they needed to make sure there was not too much smoke.  Not even a week after they left the house they were hiding in, they came upon another, larger group of Jewish people hiding in the woods.  Amongst the group were 3 men that Sarah would spend the next 2 years hiding and surviving with: An old friend, Romek, his friend Fish, and her cousin, Ignash.

When Sarah joined the group she saw that there were too many people.  She told the group that it was too dangerous for all of them to stay in one such big group, they should split into smaller groups in the area.  All of them said, "Oh a woman, always with their ideas, no reason for us to split up, no one is going to notice us, what's the difference?"

Well, Sarah was not going to just stay, she told them "I don't care what any of you do, but I am going to take my children and hide a few meters away."  Romek, Fish and Ignosh did not want her to be on her own, so they agreed to go and stay with her.  The 6 of them left, and it would be the last time that Sarah would see 2 out of her 3 cousins that she had arrived with.

Fall began to approach, and one morning, Sarah woke up and told the men that they better move out from their hiding place.  They said, "Why? What's the matter?"
Sarah responded "During the night I heard something as if someone was walking nearby us!"

Check back soon to find out who it was and how a woman's intuition is something that should not be ignored, and can be a life saver.

The Ghetto Escape

"Opportunity often comes in disguised in the form of misfortune, or temporary defeat."

Napoleaon Hill Quotes 

It was the summer of 1942.  Disease, lice, malnutrition and despair was spreading rampantly around the ghetto.  Sarah had found a way to escape at night and go to a Polish friends house to get bread for her two small children.  On her third trip out, however, it was not to go as smoothly as the other two.

When she crawled back through the barbed wire fence and started to walk back home, she felt two people following her.  She walked aimlessly around the streets, for fear of returning home.  Finally, the men stopped her, they were German guards.

"Where are you coming from?" they asked, "No where" she replied.

"So where are you going?" they asked, she answered, "I am just walking, you see I got confused of where to go because I am so hungry, and I do not know where I am going."

"You are lying", they said, "We saw you come through the barbed wire, from the outside.  What did you get?"

"OK", she responded, and took out the loaf of bread, "I snuck out, and saw a store with bread in it and stole the bread from the store."

They hesitated and then responded, "OK, we will let you go, but if we ever catch you again we will kill you.  Not that it makes a real difference anymore, because in the next few days this entire ghetto will be eliminated, and you will be killed anyway.  Now go home."

Sarah continued to wander a bit before returning home.  She knew she had to escape, but did not know where to go. 

Sarah had a few cousins in the ghetto, two male cousins and a female cousin-in-law.  The next morning she seeked them out.  She asked them if they had heard about the elimination of the ghetto.  Yes they had.  She asked them what they were going to do.  There answer was "We don't know about you, but we are going to escape." 
"Take me and the children with you" she pleaded.

"No way can we take you and the KIDS, sorry but no."

She left, and went back home in despair.  It was a Sunday, and when she arrived home a little boy approached her.  "You are a Schonwetter, right?" he asked.  "Yes" she replied. 

"There is a man over there on the other side of the barbed wire, by that house, that  told me to go find the Schonwetter's and bring them back there, he wanted to talk to them".

Now, Sarah had no idea who could want to speak to her, but she went anyway.  When she got to the spot, who was standing there, Pilat!

"I know that by tomorrow morning the entire ghetto will be closed and eliminated.  Get the kids and come back here tonight, you have to escape, and I will take you."

Sarah quickly went to gather the children, and as night fell, she went back to the spot that she met Pilat.  He was waiting on the other side.  He threw a blanket over the barbed wire, and told Sarah to throw each child over and he would catch them.  Now Manek and Zosia were no more than skin and bones at this point, but Sarah was not much more than that herself.  It is amazing the strength you can find when the adrenilane is pumping.  She did as she was told.  Now it was her turn.  Pilat told her to climb the barbed wire fence and he would catch her as well.  She complied.  Once they were all over, he ushered them inside the nearby house, where he had clothes waiting.

You see, when Pilat heard about the ghetto he sprang into action.  He brought Vodka and Kelbasa to the family that lived there earlier that day.  He proceeded to get them very drunk, and they passed out.  They were in this drunken sleep and did not even know what was transpiring in their house.

Sarah and the children quickly changed.  Pilat then gave them their next instructions.  "I will walk out first, out the door, down the street and through the city.  Sarah, you and Zosia will follow a few feet behind, then Manek, you will follow by yourself.  Everyone look straight ahead, do not look down, do not turn around and do not stop.  If anyone stops any of you, the others must keep going, if they stop me, pass me and keep going with out looking.  Just keep walking."  And so they started out.  You have to remember that Manek was not even 10 years old, and Zosia, barely over 5.

I remember when my own daughter turned 5.  At the birthday party my father came over to me, and with a tear in his eye he said "Can you imagine that this was how old I was when it started, and your aunt when she had to go through so much."  We just linked arms and both said a silent prayer, "Thank G-d that they do not have to live through such a nightmare."  I think it was even harder when my sister's son turned 5, maybe because he is a boy.  I know that my father said something similar to her.  I wonder if he sometimes looks at his grandchildren, and perhaps at my sister and I when we were growing up, and thinks of the childhood that was stolen from him and that he never got a chance to experience.  It warms my heart that he is able to share in his grandchildren's lives and get a little piece of that experience he never had.  I sometimes look at my own children and think of my grandmother.  I can not begin to fathom the emotions she must have been going through.  However, her bravery, courage and uncanny intuition got her through. 

The Schonwetter journey now begins, the next 3 years of survival were not easy.  Check back soon to start on this amazing adventure.  The goodness of people will always be a recurrent theme, but the ugliness of what they had to live through may sometimes cloud your perception.  The instinct to survive is strong, and Sarah lived by it.